Phyllis Jean Athey was born on January 23, 1957 in Holland Michigan. From a very young age Athey was very religious and knew that she wanted to become a minister in the United Methodist Church—something that only become possible just eight months before Athey was born. During her teenage years, Athey became increasingly aware of her attraction to women which drove her into intense prayer, asking God to change her desires. According to Athey, “I believed God could do anything, and if I would just pray, and try to change, then I would change, and if I kept quiet, maybe I could change before anyone could find out.”[1] However after years of prayer Athey came to the conclusion that “despite long-term, concerted faithful efforts” to change her desires that “may God wanted [her] this way.”[2] She argued that to deny her lesbianism—something that was an innate part of her—was to deny that God created her. Athey found a way for her sexuality and religion to co-exist—something with which many queer people continue to struggle with today. However, her own ability to reconcile these two issues did not mean the church or the world would be any more kind to her.
Athey graduated Phi Beta Kappa from Hope College with a bachelor’s degree in 1978 and the1978n enrolled in Garrett-Evangelical Theological Seminary in Evanston, IL, graduating in 1982. While attending seminary, she met her life partner Mary Jo Osterman who worked as a Christian education teacher there. The pair fell in love, but once their relationship became known to the school, they refused to renew Osterman’s contract. In August 1982 the couple had a covenant ceremony at the Wheadon United Methodist Church (WUMC) in Evanston, and both added Kinheart to their names. That same year Athey and Osterman founded Kinheart Inc which was housed inside the WUMC. Kinheart was “a women’s center and safe space for lesbians and women’s exploring their sexuality.”[3] The center was a non-profit institution that provided healthcare connections, counseling, seminary classes, social events, workshops, safe space, and more for women. The couple co-authored two pamphlets together: The Lesbian Relationship Handbook and The Church and Homosexuality.
While working as a co-director of and full-time counselor at Kinheart, Athey began the ordination process in the United Methodist Church (UMC). It was a long and harrowing process that took a toll on her physical and mental health. She originally sought ordination throguh the West Michigan conference but was denied because she was a lesbian. The UMC did not allow openly gay people to be ordained until 2024. However, when Athey started the process over in the Northern Illinois Conference, she was approved by her local church WUMC, the District Committee of Northern Chicago, and the Norther Illinois Conference Board of Ordained Ministry by 1987. It was her fight to be approved at the national annual conference that caused her so much grief. A loud opposition grew against Athey’s ordination and challenged her eligibility on a technical matter which was eventually dismissed, but Athey would have to go through the national review again for the 1988 conference.
In February 1988, Athey resigned from her position as counselor and volunteer coordinator amid the stress of her ordination battle and moved back into her parents home in Holland, Michigan. On May 23, Athey took her own life. Her family held a memorial service for her in Michigan, but Osterman and Athey’s close friends at Kinheart were not allowed to attend or visit her body. A separate service was held in Evanston at WUMC. A friend wrote to Betty Jo Birkhahn-Rommelfanger, who preached at Athey’s memorial service, to highlight Athey’s life and legacy as “a forerunner to an age when any two people, mixed in whatever wonderful ways people can be, black, white, same sex, different sex, young, old, can look across the room at each other and people will simply say, ‘Isn’t that nice they love each other.’ May it someday come to pass for all the world.”[4]
By Sarah Barton for the Evanston Women’s History Project
[1] Phyllis Athey Obituary, OutFront
[2] Phyllis Athey Obituary, Out Front
[3] “Phyllis Jean Athey | Profile”, LGBTQ Religious Archives Network, accessed May 05, 2026, https://lgbtqreligiousarchives.org/profiles/phyllis-jean-athey.
[4] Betty Jo Birkhahn-Rommelfanger, “Fear Not…,”The Kinheart Quarterly, Vol. 6 No. 3 ,(Evanston, IL) July 1988.